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[Sep. 30th, 2005|06:28 pm] |
There's something a bit queer about these new U.S. Army recruitment ads...
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|06:02 pm] |
For those of you who live in the US (i.e. the ones who matter), you are probably familiar with the recent craze of slapping yellow "support our troops" ribbons on cars and other places. It's nice, but it seems a bit somber. Where's the fun, the joy, the triumph of being an American soldier? They travel the world, bringing freedom and democracy to wherever they go. I can do better, and I did:
Use this address: http://www.filehigh.com/serve/4440/34719.gif to post the pic on your journal or site, or the terrorists win.
Other versions of the design for whatever patriotic purposes you may have: |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|08:52 am] |
If only I had a sufficiently ignorant acquaintance who is pregnant or has a newborn, I could give her this lovely bib as a gift, and tell her that "bukkake" means "sunshine" in Hawaiian. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2005|05:59 pm] |
A long time ago, my friend Lampetia and I tossed around some ideas for a proper tribute to 9/11. We settled on a rave, in lieu of some somber, drab service with prayer and mourning. Why? Because the terrorists did not attack the US for its piety. They did so for the very opposite reason—They see Americans as debauched, uninhibited, godless, joyful, and it makes those ascetics fume. So what better way to show the cultists the country did not quaver and draw back from its decadent ways than a big ol' rave?
Well, she brought up the idea again recently, in reaction to news about two upcoming 9/11 films. She also left a hint that I should draw up an invite for this fantasy event, so here it is:
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|09:17 pm] |
Out with the old, in with the new:
Next up: zygotes! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|08:33 am] |
The Cunt Master
Ever wished you had a more muscular vagina? A more macho twat? Now you can! The Magic Banana™ is an exercise device that will strengthen your snatch. Use it everyday for a month, and you'll be able to fuck yourself with a lump of coal, squeeze and then queef diamonds!
Seriously, this is an actual device for a vaginal workout with the actual name of Magic Banana invented by an actual Canadian. It explains how countrywoman Celine Dion manages to ride her sasquatch of a husband without crumpling her papery pelvis. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|12:22 am] |
Can Christians turn this boy straight?
I seriously doubt it, but they will try! Zach is a 16 year old, freely and openly homosexual gay sodomite who was sent to a Christian gay conversion day camp by his parents. To help the world understand what he will go through, he posted the secret rules of the camp on his blog. Some of the more impressive rules include:
"No hugging or physical touch between clients."
"The clients may not wear Abercrombie and Fitch or Calvin Klein brand clothing, undergarments, or accessories."
"[False Images] behavior may include hyper-masculinity, seductive clothing, mannish/boyish attire (on women), excessive jewelry (on men), mascoting, and 'campy' or gay/lesbian behavior and talk."
"[No] listening to classical or instrumental music that is not expressly Christian (Beethoven, Bach, etc. are not considered Christian)."
For parents: "Your client is not allowed to talk to anyone outside of your home including friends or family. Do not tell client who has called for them or who is asking about them."
No, those rules won't turn little Zach onto poon, but they will make him dull and depressed. Send the poor bastard a note of encouragement, if you'd like, just to remind him to stay strong and keep loving that cock. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2005|06:27 pm] |
At about 51 dollars a pop, I can't recommend that anybody actually buy this shirt. I do, however, hope that all who gazes upon it draws inspiration and possibly erotic joy from it. The "2SickBastards" title under the picture is actually the name of the company that produces the shirt, although it fits better here than on any of their other shirts (all modeled with celebrity mug shots). One sick bastard down, one more to go. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2005|12:24 am] |
One wasn't enough, so now we have two brass knuckles + handbag combos! A month ago, I showcased the PeaceKeeper handbag, now I bring you its high fashion cousin:
It's called Punchbag, and it can be purchased from Freedom of Creation, the company that designed it. At 550 euro or about 675 dollars, it does cost a lot more than the Peacekeeper. On the other hand, Punchbag looks better and can be more readily used as a weapon—simply flip the bag portion away.
Just one more bag like this, and I can declare brass knuckles handles an official handbag trend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|02:08 am] |
This lovely picture is brought to you by Mirko Ilić, who designed it as the cover for a Massachusetts guide to gay marriage. It's a bold, confrontational statement that shows America embracing Justice by rejecting the land's Puritan baggage. The drawing belongs on many more places than just pamphlet covers. |
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| Stunning Cunt |
[May. 26th, 2005|07:00 am] |
This ad managed to give coochie wipes a visceral, edgy, stylish and cheeky bent. Brava! A star is born!
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| Superior Use of Clip Art |
[May. 19th, 2005|04:30 pm] |
What does this sequence of images suggest to you? If you said anus, you'd be correct! The images are elliptical representations of what the WhiteStarr Company is all about: anal bleaching (note: page spawns popup of above images). It's brilliant! I can't think of a more attractive way to package chemical ass-wiping.
Other winsome parts of the website include this page promoting anal tattooing (note: page spawns popup of above images). An animated logo beckons you to "Bling Your Ass Now." The company offers a "free supplement 'Glow in the Dark' [anal tattoo. So that] simply by bending over, others won't have a single problem finding the correct direction." |
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| Heaving in Style |
[May. 11th, 2005|03:13 pm] |
The old fashioned air sickness bag gets a fantastical update in the form of an international design competition called Design for Chunks. My personal favorite is this entry by Ryosuke Tei for the Furi Furi Company that I've named Captain Puke:
There's no better time for such charming distractions than when one has a mouth full of digestive juices. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2005|02:02 am] |
Behold the glory that is the PeaceKeeper handbag:
Not only does it look cool, function both as a container and a weapon, but it's also an ironic artistic statement on the pervasive paranoia in our urban dystopia. For all the ladies and drag queens out there, you can add some punch to your wardrobe for just 75 bucks. |
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| Menstrual Plunger |
[May. 1st, 2005|11:15 pm] |
I can't say I know the ins and outs of menstruation, so I will refrain from commenting on the practicality of this invention. But for those of you who want to collect your menses (for that special someone with that special fetish, or as a souvenir of your pre-menopausal days) without having to wring dry a tampon, The Keeper Menstrual Cup seems the way to go:
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