| (no subject) |
[Sep. 30th, 2005|06:28 pm] |
There's something a bit queer about these new U.S. Army recruitment ads...
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|06:02 pm] |
For those of you who live in the US (i.e. the ones who matter), you are probably familiar with the recent craze of slapping yellow "support our troops" ribbons on cars and other places. It's nice, but it seems a bit somber. Where's the fun, the joy, the triumph of being an American soldier? They travel the world, bringing freedom and democracy to wherever they go. I can do better, and I did:
Use this address: http://www.filehigh.com/serve/4440/34719.gif to post the pic on your journal or site, or the terrorists win.
Other versions of the design for whatever patriotic purposes you may have: |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|08:52 am] |
If only I had a sufficiently ignorant acquaintance who is pregnant or has a newborn, I could give her this lovely bib as a gift, and tell her that "bukkake" means "sunshine" in Hawaiian. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2005|04:00 pm] |
The War on Lust
Starting today, I will do a series of articles looking at the current war over nasty, dirty, low-down, oh-spank-me-daddy-spank-me-until-my-ass-explodes-in-bliss sexual behavior, which I will simply call the War on Lust. On the one side, we have perverts (a derogatory term for people with a libido), and the merchants who cater to them. On the other side we have the religious people (a euphemism for people filled with so much misanthropy and misery that they can't fathom embracing humanity and reality). They skirmish and battle over porn, strip clubs, sex clubs and Paris Hilton. They fight in courts of law, courts of public opinion, and the voting booth. Of course, unless the trajectory of human history boomerangs, the perverts will ultimately win. But it will cost us all in time, energy and well-being. Stay tuned for the carnal carnage! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|08:33 am] |
The Cunt Master
Ever wished you had a more muscular vagina? A more macho twat? Now you can! The Magic Banana™ is an exercise device that will strengthen your snatch. Use it everyday for a month, and you'll be able to fuck yourself with a lump of coal, squeeze and then queef diamonds!
Seriously, this is an actual device for a vaginal workout with the actual name of Magic Banana invented by an actual Canadian. It explains how countrywoman Celine Dion manages to ride her sasquatch of a husband without crumpling her papery pelvis. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|03:55 am] |
Vagina dentata, or cunt teeth, is a paranoid fantasy Freud cooked up. A less dramatic and more practical version, however, may soon find its way to the market in South Africa. Sonette Ehlers, reacting to the high incidence of rape in the country, has shepherded the creation of a tampon-like device that will trap an invading penis with microscopic teeth. Once it latches on, it can only be removed by doctors with the help of anesthetics, forcing the rapist to come forward. It will also prevent semen from contaminating the victim, protecting her from the possibility of STDs and pregnancy.
But it won't exactly lead to any scenes of a rapist dancing with pain as a bear trap is clamped onto his dick. According to the article, the rapist won't even notice the device until he withdraws his cock. It sounds more like a combination of a Chinese finger trap and a female condom than an H.R. Giger afterglow made real. Still, it's another potential weapon against rape, and a pretty unique one at that, even if it doesn't have much of a bite. |
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| Condoms Finally Penetrate Primetime |
[May. 31st, 2005|04:09 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | censorship, christianity, civil rights, contraceptives, free speech, fundamentalism, news, opinion, religion, sex, sex ed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Oblong | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Everybody Fucks Raymond" - Dick Trickle | ] |
It's not even as if condoms were a big secret. It's just that the most popular medium in the country—network television—is controlled by spineless, shortsighted douchebags. They choose to let the wretched worshippers who cling to delusions of a next life while quivering in fear of this one assert that perverted paradigm on saner folks. Thus, it's not until now that the simpering execs have finally been bribed into allowing Trojan™ ads on primetime TV.
It's not enough. It's time we recognize and proclaim the religious for what they are: people with a morality based on antiquated fiction, which is to say they have no morality at all. Sure, some religious rules may coincide with the greater good. But what are those rules based on? Sordid fairy tales that are just as likely to crap out backwards proclamations. Moral considerations are only valid if they're true, and there is no truth to religion.
Instead, all talk of morality should be challenged and critiqued on the basis of scientific fact and sound logic. If something is good or bad, that quality comes from its actual effect on the actual world, not what some fictional character may say about it.
So if someone says condoms are immoral, ask the person why. If the person mentions god, laugh and demand a real reason. This goes for everything else, too. We need to be vocal and clear about it—any sentiment rooted in piety deserves no respect. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2005|07:11 pm] |
I have found some truly splendiferous t-shirts! First, I present to you The Whoreanus:
Sometimes, a combination of words results in an irresistible gestalt. Such is the case with the words "whore" and "anus." On their own, they are mildly amusing terms. But together, magic happens!
If you know me, you know I love menstruation (mostly because I don't suffer from it). So when I saw this t-shirt, I just about soiled myself with glee:
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| Superior Use of Clip Art |
[May. 19th, 2005|04:30 pm] |
What does this sequence of images suggest to you? If you said anus, you'd be correct! The images are elliptical representations of what the WhiteStarr Company is all about: anal bleaching (note: page spawns popup of above images). It's brilliant! I can't think of a more attractive way to package chemical ass-wiping.
Other winsome parts of the website include this page promoting anal tattooing (note: page spawns popup of above images). An animated logo beckons you to "Bling Your Ass Now." The company offers a "free supplement 'Glow in the Dark' [anal tattoo. So that] simply by bending over, others won't have a single problem finding the correct direction." |
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| It Worked |
[May. 14th, 2005|12:40 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | activism, ass, bush, christianity, civil rights, contraceptives, fundamentalism, news, politics, rape, religion, sex | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Geminate | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "There's a Demon in My Toaster" - Nancy Kockabich | ] |
Dr. No No More (Link)
Dr. W. David Hager, the fundamentalist minion of Bush on the FDA advisory panel, will no longer seek reappointment to the panel when his term expires in June 30th. He claims the decision is totally coincidental to the revelation that he raped his wife through sodomy. Fellow zealots from Focus on the Family claim that Hager's under attack for his loony beliefs, and that his conviction against contraceptives outweighs his penchant for sexual assault. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2005|09:44 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | activism, ass, bush, christianity, civil rights, contraceptives, fundamentalism, news, politics, rape, religion, sex | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Cuntastic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "You're Pregnant, I'm Broke" - Icky Mickey | ] |
Doctor No: Rapist as Crusader? (Link)
Dr. W. David Hager is one of the many Christians empowered by Bush's reign of piety. The faith-based OB/GYN—who vocally opposes contraceptives and abortions—was nonetheless appointed by the Cardinal in Chief to an FDA advisory committee. Once there, Hager claims to have steered the FDA away from the emergency contraceptive Plan B. It's almost certain that he would be reappointed come June.
But there's hope for the flowering gonads of our nation, because it turns out that the erotophobe is a rapist. His ex-wife now says, with confirmation from others, that her then husband forced her to have anal sex against her will. He would sometimes force himself on her while she was unconscious (she suffers from narcolepsy). If this scandal blows up big enough, it will keep the shaman from interfering with modern medicine. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 11th, 2005|10:30 pm] |
Telemarketing can be more than just annoying, it can be a tool of evil and comedy as well. Lend your ears to these clips (mp3 clip 1, mp3 clip 2) between comedian Eugene Mirman and United American Technologies, a phone company that contributes to a Christian lobbying group. The phone company reps accuse their mainstream counterparts—such as AT&T, Verizon and MCI—of brainwashing their employees to accept gays, broadcasting child porn, and committing the sin du jour of supporting gay marriage. Mr. Mirman blithely leads them down the path of holy hysterics:
Sales rep: Our organization is dedicated to people such as yourself who want to stop same-sex marriages and to quit doing business with companies that promote and profit from the homosexual lifestyle.
Mirman: Some companies profit from homosexuality?
Sales rep: That's correct.
Mirman: By selling sex favors?
Sales rep: No. Well such as AT&T... What they do...
Mirman: AT&T sells sex favors?!
...
Mirman: Basically, god hates AT&T, MCI and Verizon?
Sales rep: Yes.
Mirman: Yeah.
Sales rep: And Mr Mirman... And do you make a lot of long distance calls or just a few every month?
Mirman: I make a lot.
Sales rep: What we have in your area is the 18 dollars and 95 cents long distance plan.
Mirman: Do you guys provide DSL?
Sales rep: No we do not.
Mirman: Ahhhhh!
Sales rep: But you can still continue to be with...
Mirman: No, I can't. I won't save money 'cause I have it all consolidated. Is this it?
Sales rep: Yes.
Mirman: Is this the kinda... last time we're gonna talk?
Sales rep: Heh. Um, yes.
Mirman: Hmm, OK, it was a real pleasure to meet you. And uh, together, you and I will destroy the gays.
Sales rep: Exactly.
Homophobia sells everything from presidents to phone plans, at least to the pious fuckwits. |
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| Teen Girl Charged with Making Child Porn of Herself |
[May. 1st, 2005|04:40 am] |
According to this little blurb of a story, a 15 year old girl has been arrested for making and distributing pictures of herself in the nude and performing various sex acts. She has been charged with sexual abuse of children, possession of child pornography and dissemination of child pornography.
It's a case of reflexive child exploitation. What next? Charging kids with child molestation when they masturbate? |
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